55. The Empath is the Narcissist

[00:00:06] Welcome to The Ghost Podcast. Today my guest is Asha T. She is the author of The Empath as the Narcissist and founder of South Worth Warriors. Welcome to the show. Excited to be here today. This is such a fun podcast.

[00:00:19] So tell me what brought you to the show. How did you hear about us? Tell me a little bit more about yourself. Yeah, thank you so much for having me and hello to everybody in the audience. I hope that you receive what you

[00:00:32] came for today and then some. It's always fun to have a little bit of a chat about the energetics of ghosting and narcissism and codependency. And yeah, we came across your podcast. My team

[00:00:43] and I do a lot of podcast shows talking about my book The Empath is The Narcissist and my unique lens on the dynamics of pushing and pulling in relationship and who we attract. And it's been awesome.

[00:00:59] I work in emotional and energetic intelligence and emotional intelligence is truly the missing link in like everything. And yeah, my own experience in my story has allowed me to realize how just just how deep. How much emotional intelligence isn't enough. There's plenty of charismatic

[00:01:21] alluring assholes out there. It's how are you internally as well as externally? And that's why I founded my business and in wrote the book. So tell me about the title of your book. What is

[00:01:35] telling me more? What does that mean? How how is the empath and narcissist? Yes, so I am among other modalities. I work a lot in energy. So I'm a shaman from Peru. I will I'm not from Peru,

[00:01:49] but I've studied in the Peruvian shaman's. And there's a really cool old saying where it's Mary and it goes. The man asks the shaman, how will I know my ally? And the shaman says,

[00:02:03] well, that's easy. He's going to be the one that tries to kill you. And so in my belief system, it has always been about pure love for each soul at every level. And in order for me to write

[00:02:17] this book, I had to experience an extremely crazy story which I'd love to share with you all to show and prove that the empath and the narcissist are the same coin two different sides in

[00:02:32] the mean thing that they're both missing is self love. And so we end up attracting one another as adults to replicate the pain of the unloved parts that we have within ourselves from potentially

[00:02:49] when we were children or even our ancestors for up to 20 generations before us. So this particular lifetime, 2024, we've sort of and I know you could probably relate to this Rosemary like we're like healing. We're like doing this deeper healing stuff. Like a lot of our parents didn't really

[00:03:08] have this. And trauma stacks, trauma stacks year on year and year and year in year and year in generation generation generation, it kind of so turned into like a pressure cooker. And so our

[00:03:19] generation sort of being asked to expose all that. And in that we have to understand that each soul starts off pure and then it's the stories and the programming that make us behave in these

[00:03:33] unloving ways even in the pain. Do you want to tell me more about the story that you mentioned that brought you to write them up? Yes, once upon a time. Okay so all that this is great story. So

[00:03:46] it's in the book too. The book is actually designed to help heal people. It's built with like all different types of meditations and activations and different things that you guys can people

[00:03:56] can do in order to start their journey and open their eyes. So when I was about 18, I attracted this man and we were like, it was like this massive energetic like, oh my god you know that feeling

[00:04:11] where you're like, oh my god, where the same cut you know whatever soul family global plot. Of course riddled in trauma within 60 days or 90 days we were fighting each other and then cheating on each other and all this other dramatic shit that happens when you're about

[00:04:27] 18 years old and then we were dating for about two years and I went to school for theater and dance and I was so bright. I was so alive and we ended up breaking up and when we broke up I hated him.

[00:04:43] I like had so much anger toward him and I moved to Australia and I couldn't I ended up with my husband and I couldn't like love my husband. I just couldn't I was really the avoidant one. I was the

[00:04:56] one that was sort of the narcissist in my marriage and then I got sick with cancer and I knew that I was like fairly healthy and I was like what is this? And I stumbled across an energy healer

[00:05:09] and she was like you have an attachment and I was like, I don't know what that means but I do know what that means and then I started going down this path of emotional intelligence as I kept healing

[00:05:19] myself. I kept healing myself kept healing myself all of a sudden I started like losing all this weight I started feel good. I was still like uncomfortable around my husband like I couldn't even

[00:05:27] like be around him and then in 2020 all of a sudden one night I just reached out to that man from 18 years ago classic it just FYI classic narcissistic behavior like oh let me just reach

[00:05:39] out to this toxic X from like for 20 years ago and when I reached out he said to me I can't believe you just reached out. I just let you go and I said and I responded I think I

[00:05:55] felt that and all of a sudden I just went it was like I don't know if you're ever taking like plant medicine like ayahuasca or shrooms or anything but it was like I literally just started

[00:06:06] like bugging out I started throwing up and I lost about 40 pounds and I was completely activated they called like a twin flame activation and then we just were like we're gonna get back together

[00:06:18] and I left my marriage and then within six weeks he ghosted me and it was like and it was like my whole heart came out of my chest and I started to see energy

[00:06:30] and so then I realized to my husband I said oh my god I couldn't love you because I couldn't love myself and then he became the narcissist and he left and he moved away and so I got to see

[00:06:44] in live time how this works and book goes into much more detail about how we're always the sort of pushing and pulling into like this place of self love this deep self love and yeah it was quite

[00:06:58] the adventure and then there were a few other men that have been able to help keep the story going so yeah it's amazing so how do you define a narcissist then and how do you define an empath

[00:07:10] yeah so narcissism for me can be really boiled down to avoidance so when we look at a narcissist typically they have a very high level of charisma or magnetism so people have a hard time believing

[00:07:26] that they're actually even bad people in a lot of cases right like they're kicking us at work they're like you know everybody loves them and in fact you see this a lot with women

[00:07:36] women will be like keeping up with the Joneses or like putting this persona on online we're like everything at home is being suffering or like they're omitting sex from their partner

[00:07:45] we see it with men as well but it just can't be denied that both of us are we're all fox really like you know until we start the healing so that's what narcissism is is they usually typically

[00:07:57] have a really beautiful persona out there and then the ones closest to them suffer it's like the mother who pretends to be like happy on the screen but then if her kid walked in the door she

[00:08:07] would like get out I'm feeling you know something like this and I used to be very much like that I was so uptight and so like married to my work and and so that it doesn't avoidance of the heart

[00:08:21] it's an avoidance and then when we have avoidance we tend to bread crumb or like lead other people on and then if the other person starts to get a little more power that's when narcissism typically ghosts and then the co-dependent the empath unhealed empath really

[00:08:47] their co-dependent on that that power almost like they almost feel like they can't have their own power and so they hook into each other and then when the so the narcissism and the one that goes

[00:08:58] seems to be more of the villain even though the co-dependent is playing a role and so what I teach my clients they're typically the co-dependent who's had that experience they they're in collapse

[00:09:13] like they almost feel like they keep you can really get caught and victim in that place and you don't want that you want to if you desire to really manifest your life you have to sort of take

[00:09:23] responsibility for both sides of the coin and so it's like avoidance and then co-dependence anxious and avoidant attachment a lot of people who come on the podcast are sure their stories you know weren't just theorizing that a lot of their ghosters were narcissists yeah how do

[00:09:46] feel that ghosting and narcissism go together do you think that it's much more common for narcissists to do this and is there anything that somebody can do to try to protect themselves or

[00:09:57] spot that early on yeah well the first thing is is definitely the person who ghosts is the avoidant person they're avoiding something now what can happen whether it's a man or woman they almost

[00:10:13] like lure you in and then when they get you they can play a slow game so they can be too you think almost like wait a long time and then drop you which to be fair I don't know about myself I was

[00:10:27] married for 10 years is in fact most women leave men because men aren't growing fast enough and what happens is sometimes even when we're ghosted even if the person's like communicating a little bit

[00:10:39] if we're hurt enough it the codependent is hard enough they can't even hear it they like still want to blame so again the truth is is the more emotionally intelligent you become the

[00:10:52] more sovereign you become right this is how you can spot it it's your own emotional intelligence your own inner vibration of like solid and heart open it's like a combination of empathy and power

[00:11:05] the more you're going to attract that exact same thing and if someone decides to go so like it doesn't even affect you anymore like so I'm going to give a good example you cannot be ghosted

[00:11:16] by someone who you don't think has more power or love than you so if I meant you for as married I'm saving you okay we meet on like a dating app and I'm like oh my god Rosemary is like all that

[00:11:29] and I like fall deeply in love with you and you ghost me and I get affected by that there's something in me that I don't love and so if you didn't matter to me and you tried to ghost me it's

[00:11:41] almost like hilarious so you have to find out power inside yourself in order to allow people to move in and out doesn't mean that you won't be hurt if the relationship has come to a completion it's just about always digging deeper into trust power and love.

[00:12:02] This is something I think a lot about because I 100% agree with you that having that self-worth is the key to being able to survive ghosting get over ghosting not be affected by ghosting

[00:12:13] but I feel like it's really tricky because a lot of times you learn that self-worth and that self-love through these really traumatic experiences you have where you learn for them and you take

[00:12:22] that opportunity to grow and you know I think it's hard to have one without the other and you know a lot of people come on this podcast they're in the middle of that journey you know and trying

[00:12:31] to get into that other side. Yeah I'll tell you okay so there's a really cool there's an awesome doctor who name his doctor Susan Anderson she writes a really cool five letter acquine an acronym called swirl which describes the abandonment wound so we're always in abandonment when

[00:12:52] we feel ghosted or we feel betrayed or we feel victim we are always in the abandonment of either one of two things the masculine or the feminine that's it that's all there is your DNA is made of

[00:13:09] masculine and feminine energy so if you are a woman and you get ghosted by the masculine you have to repair the relationship with your inner masculine if you are a man getting ghosted by a woman

[00:13:20] you have to repair the relationship with the inner feminine which isn't really like it's not about more emotions it's about just knowing that's what DNA is made of it's one strand of masculine

[00:13:31] one strand of feminine like it can come down to that all the time now the problem is is that it's not just your mom and dad it's like 20 to 50 I actually think it goes back for like shit loads

[00:13:42] of lifetimes like even the story you described to me about your own journey or as Mary like there's some ancient shit in that like some witch stuff and some like dominant stuff that may

[00:13:51] have happened like back in the day when you were when you were like living in a kingdom so like you know we still have that because we're made up of codes all we are our codes and energy

[00:14:01] and so the reality is is like in order to heal it we're missing a huge piece which is the energetics like we're not even taught energy so my son for example and probably you're

[00:14:12] some because the journey you've gone through and you're tell them right like if you have children they basically will experience whatever you heal they won't have to heal so they'll get

[00:14:24] like a little bit more solid in their relationship and so for me as a mom it is vital that I don't hold pain against the masculine because I'm raising I'm raising a little boy and so if I

[00:14:38] have pain against one of his brothers that I attracted I'm gonna push that on to my son and then heal attract a woman who hates men and the perpetuation keeps happening so my main advice

[00:14:51] for women especially is to heal the depths of the father wound like I'm not I'm in you might even be listening and be like I don't have a problem with my father I get that I have a really great

[00:15:02] relationship with my dad but it's so much more than just like the dad it's like this huge like abandonment wound and rejection wound and all these bigger core wounds that will help you and

[00:15:15] just quick with that like there's no such thing as betrayal or ghosting when you get to a point where you are so solid and who you are with your heart open like you don't have any expectations on

[00:15:27] anybody else you're just like with bruise and that's like true enlightenment you know which is a lot of fun if you want to go for it in this lifetime why not what I'll see you doing as you'll

[00:15:37] let me ask you a couple of all questions I have the first one is I think I think you know we say that everybody has like a little bit in our system narcissism in them but I think a lot of people

[00:15:49] who ghost are just simply really immature and lack emotional awareness so how do you tell when it's like a true narcissist versus just that immaturity and then well let me let me let you answer that

[00:16:00] then I'll ask you this like a question okay so what happens in our mind and our brain in our subconscious is let's say there's a man called Tom and he has a really traumatic situation happen when

[00:16:15] he's 14 and like his father leaves or dies what will happen with Tom is that he will somehow shield himself and protect himself all the way up until he's in his 40s 56s

[00:16:29] now if Tom's not doing some deeper healing work to work through that Tom is probably going to walk around with his heart shielded for fear that if he opens his heart somebody's going to abandon

[00:16:42] him let's say you know like let's change it let's make it as mother who does that so the first thing we have to know right away is that in this is I have such a sensitive open heart toward the narcissist

[00:16:54] because I really was blind I could not see myself I could like no matter how much you want that person to see they can't they a lot of times they actually think they're good people

[00:17:09] because I know that because I work with the shitload of leaders as well and I have a frequency test I can see when people have a close heart when they have avoidance or narcissism I can see it

[00:17:19] and and I can tell them but they do they have to kind of see it on their own and that's what we do with my methodology but like they're they're stunted because somewhere inside of them they're

[00:17:32] inner child is crying and like confused and scared and so the reality is is the feminine she is about 80% of emotions she has so much power to heal men simply by not reacting to men

[00:17:50] and when I say reacting it's yearning desperately in love and being bitter or angry so so I think that's the most amazing piece about this work. When for example like

[00:18:06] I don't know if you can relate at all but like I was with men I've been with men and they don't do the inner work it's totally cool I have no expectations of what men do I know I'm doing the inner work

[00:18:18] I'm going for gold you know what I mean and so it's like a step ladder in life but the truth is is as a woman goes up and up and up as the woman goes up and up and up men actually start to go

[00:18:30] up wait what and so we're in a period right now where the feminine is really being asked to heal and the men will follow after that the feminine goes first when it comes to healing

[00:18:43] and then he he's supposed to come after but like so many people weren't taught emotional intelligence and they were raised by women who for almost probably about three generations now women that have a lot of bitterness or anger toward the masculine because there's been a lot of

[00:18:59] stifling of the feminine so like we're trying to figure that out right now I had a really bad father wound my father is an excellent man but I was super super sensitive and he would come home from

[00:19:11] work and I would and then he would be really loud and talkative and and then he would get mad because he was tired and then he would leave and go back to work so I tied the story that if I

[00:19:24] was loud and talkative no man would love me and so I had this story and so that story perpetually I'm 40 I'm going to be 42 next month like I still was working that story out like last year

[00:19:38] and PTSD just keeps existing so to answer your question for me it's always about self-awareness and knowing that sometimes people just are not willing to look and you're going to like learn to

[00:19:52] let go of their journey even though especially when they're really close to us like all we want is that love and like like see what you did to me like what the fuck take responsibility

[00:20:05] and sometimes that's just simply not available and it really is like I don't know if you believe in God or like the divine or any higher power but it is it's about trusting like the whole journey and when

[00:20:17] you get to that place you can really start to manifest the life of your dreams and added bonus you get hotter even hotter it's fun yeah so a lot of people I think that are out there dating

[00:20:32] get ghosted sort of early on in the relationship and not always it you know I've had people contact me who've been ghosted you know a couple of years or months in but let's just say you

[00:20:42] are in the beginning stages and you're excited about someone how can you keep the awareness of you know the possible narcissism or amateurity might experience but also maintain the excitement

[00:20:57] at the same time what's your advice for that oh my god great question I love this okay so first things first men and women are designed completely different women by natural design are a little more

[00:21:12] attachy we latch on a little quicker and we open up to the masculine a little bit faster let's just talk think it doesn't actually even have to be a straight relationship it's because when you're in even you know same-generalating you're still dealing with the two energy aspects someone

[00:21:31] sort of taking on that sort of submissivey feminine role and then the masculine is masculine one is taking on more of that kind of leadership role so there's been a lot of confusion

[00:21:42] and like you know the way that dating advice goes in fact it's not even about how women what they do it's about how they feel it's about their frequency and about their vibration and about their heart

[00:21:55] opening and that always takes a lot of deeper work and so keeping the excitement it's like you almost need to balance um you have to learn how I call it inner king it's like this power that you

[00:22:09] have inside yourself that is going to attract a man that's gonna know that like you don't put up with bullshit like there is no shortage of hot confident self-aware feminine women and yet for some

[00:22:24] reason they're still are being affected by being ghosted and like they may even just like have pain in the heart and then they finally open up to a guy and then he goes so it's like

[00:22:34] it's always a call for her to work on her personal power I call it entertaining my practice and so it's like this dance you have to do inside yourself where it's like I want to love

[00:22:46] this man or this person so so much and I don't give up bug shapes if you walk out the door like I am holding both of those how do you get there well my method but you you have to do the

[00:23:01] energetics you have to do the deeper it's called deprogramming where it's like a lot of core wound and once you do it it's like you also just become magnetic to like really excellent people that don't play those games anymore because they too have healed those wounds.

[00:23:18] Ashah, have you and are you just shared a ghosting experience you've had but before we start recording you mentioned you've been ghosted a bunch of times are there any personal ghost stories

[00:23:27] you'd like to share on the podcast today? Yes okay so that was thank you so much so the first one was this man that was attached to myself for about 18 years and then the second one was a man who

[00:23:42] probably wasn't right for me and I think it I learned that I like attached to fast I learned how quick women attach without actually having healed like their wounds and then the last one was

[00:23:56] me attaching to a man and then draining myself so I essentially like got my payback for my first husband and if you would like karma just even in itself out and what happened for me and that

[00:24:10] circumstance was amazing because when that man left I wasn't mad at him. I actually saw it as a race to find my personal power and heal so my method I can help people heal from narcissistic abuse

[00:24:26] or ghosting in like less than 90 days like it depends on the person and I have the capability in the power inside to do that because of the way that how deep I go. So the reason in like people

[00:24:39] will sit in that for sometimes their entire life like they'll never heal like think about it this guy was attached to me for 18 years that took me like three months to heal from that because I

[00:24:50] was doing so much deeper energy work and so the last guy to go back to that quote about the shaman and how I will know my ally it was like when he did it it was like for me it didn't feel like I

[00:25:06] was being I wasn't like the victim I mean shit I went through my stuff trust me I was like layers on layers but now I have such a clear like knowing that that man I needed that man to get to where I'm going

[00:25:20] and like when he ghosted me it was like almost like a race to like find my own personal power and then I developed my program self-worth worry as I've been able to take a hundred and eighty

[00:25:33] women through that program and like seven men through that so I've been able to heal so help in my book you know like I've been able to help heal so many people and understand this

[00:25:44] because what what happens is if you don't heal it you're going to end up with a wrong person and then seven or ten years later you're going to be bitter again because if you don't heal it

[00:25:57] momentum always builds like your momentum builds if you are in pain or if you're in the light so you want to be really really mindful of of that because you may turn around and be like why

[00:26:09] don't I love this person that I'm with even though like if you were co-dependent and ghosted the next relationship you end up in you may become the one that wants to run away is there anything about your method you can share with us?

[00:26:26] yeah sure thank you so I'm a schemonic practitioner so I do energetics I'm also certified at the International Trauma Training Institute in PTSD and attachment theory I've rewritten attachment theory including the energetics of masculine and feminine I'm an Institute of Social and Emotional Intelligence Facilitar

[00:26:47] and I also am a quantum light body activations healer and I do really cool like inner grid work so like I try to make you a solid is a like so fun and solid inside right

[00:27:00] and then I like pepper it up with this beautiful feminine energy so it's like really cool like banks that I build in your body so that you can flow and it actually helps with money beauty

[00:27:11] and better relating and I teach all of that and my specials are like perspective taking and empathy so in my community we don't sit around and talk about like how people have heard we do

[00:27:25] we talk about how people may have heard us but it's always stemmed in growth like it always has to be about rosemary's experience like you'll hear me say often of my clients like I don't really care

[00:27:36] about them I care about how you feel and how we can deal with how you feel because we can't do anything about that person I can only help you heal and then that's where like the most transformative

[00:27:48] transformative results happen and I have a hundred percent success rate with like over 300 clients in the last two years that's amazing it is 80 to 90 percent of who we are the fact that it's not

[00:28:01] in every single medical facility and every single place of employment is in my opinion we're in my against humanity like that's my goal in this lifetime is to bring energy work to the masses

[00:28:13] so I try to like keep it down to earth as much as I can because people are like energy is everything and then they're equally like oh energy healer I don't believe in witchcraft I'm like

[00:28:21] well which one of the this like energy everything or because it actually is about 90 percent of us and so my goal this lifetime is to just really like help people understand it in a way that's

[00:28:32] like really tangible and teach it so that you can understand it through storytelling and empathy and connection and the more connected you are to yourself the way more connected you're going to be

[00:28:42] to everybody else awesome for those who are not familiar with energy healing do you mind just giving a brief overview of what it is sure so we've got about seven to ten shopperes in our

[00:28:55] system so these are like these little circles that are run down the full center of our body from above our head all the way down to the ground and even one in the ground that connects us

[00:29:07] to Mother Earth and so what we're doing in energy healing is we're basically unclogging your pipes so for example you might have a physically bad back as a man or hips that feel like they're

[00:29:21] starting to hurt or a woman you might have a lot of ache in your the love and your thyroid over active thyroid I've worked with a lot of women with overactive thyroid I help women get pregnant

[00:29:33] and basically what I'm doing is I'm cleaning out your energy field it's like I call it like going to the washing like the car wash so that you begin to sparkle and what I do when I do energy work

[00:29:44] all so many different methods but one method is like let's say Rosemary you had some trauma from when you were like 12 like PTSD and let's say you were 12 but you can't remember it in 80

[00:29:58] percentage in our subconscious mind I pull I close my eyes I connect with you and then I pull up the memory and so then the next day or the day after you may be like oh my gosh I remember this time

[00:30:10] like my mom left me at the library and then you I will say to you like cry it out like get it all out like give that little girl a hug and let her know that she's safe and then you go up and I'm putting

[00:30:23] together like your pieces of your soul again so that your soul begins to become shiny and then the universe page you so call like the universe just want you get lighter and lighter and lighter it's a

[00:30:35] cool as shit like so we have like basically we can visualize like that's just pretend like your soul is like like a circle inside your body your circle is light in shiny but you may have like little black spots

[00:30:47] I basically take the black spots and I like patch them up and put light in them and when that happens the black has to come out of your body the black spot and so that comes out in tears rage frustration

[00:30:59] anger like don't be afraid of emotions move the emotion all the time like there's nothing scary about emotions just do it safely and get them all up and out and then the gift is on the other

[00:31:09] side actually this is something I've heard a lot of people say who vingo said is there's that moment when you just know like you just get a feeling like out of the blue and you just know you've

[00:31:19] been ghosted I've heard so many people describe that yeah so I don't know if that's all energy as well for sure yeah like energetic contracts I call them they're way more powerful than earth contracts

[00:31:30] like the earth contracts still matter like if you're divorced and stuff I highly recommend like cleaning that up before dating that's just my own personal thing manifestation is about taking responsibility for all your creations and that's sometimes not what we want to do we want to take

[00:31:47] to take responsibility for the good stuff and the reality is like can you actually can you actually own the darkness as well and that's where you get really powerful. Asha this has been a really interesting conversation thank you so much for reaching on coming

[00:31:59] on the podcast where could our listeners find out more about you? Thank you so much for having me and I hope that your audience gains a ton of insights I am on Asha at at Asha A.A. S.A. underscore T underscore international on Instagram

[00:32:20] and my main platform is Facebook and I'm A.A. S. H.A. T as in Thomas on Facebook so I have a link tree in my Instagram where you can collect some free goodies and just check out some of my work

[00:32:37] and I would love to invite anybody into my Facebook group. I do a ton of free stuff like so much free stuff. I'm doing a free one hour teaching next week on people pleasing and sabotage

[00:32:48] like it's going to be really dope. I am not sure every day energy healer. I'm all about the leather boots the booty shake and have fun soul vibes do what you want enjoy your freaking life. Make it

[00:32:57] shit loaded cash have a lot of awesome sex. Don't doesn't matter just do what brings you joy and yeah I try to keep it as real as possible and deliver a ton of content and I'm always

[00:33:08] excited for people to come and buy the book or come in join us for self-worth warriors which is a really, really cool community we get about 33 people in it right now amazing well thank you so much

[00:33:18] and I'll make sure I list all of that in the show notes as well thank you so much oh thank you so much Rosemary. Hi everybody and listeners if you want to find more episodes or if you'd like to

[00:33:29] provide feedback on this episode or give a ghost story to share you can find me at the ghostpodcast.com you can find me on Instagram at the ghostpodcast stories and I'm Tiktok at the ghostpodcast and as always thank you for listening.